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BFG short story: The Battle of Hasmides

Today's post attempts to answer the question "what would it be like to be a junior officer in the strategium support staff of one of the Imperium's battleships... during a massive fleet engagement?"
It's a question no-one asked me to answer, but I've answered it in prose form anyway, so nurr. I also appear to have illustrated it, because spaceships.

The Battle of Hasmides
Ensign Josselana Brannick was facing a test encountered by many Imperial citizens: keeping faith when confronted with mind-numbing dread.

She glanced up from her work station and stared through the arched windows of the bridge. The spine of the battleship Dammerung stretched away for eleven kilometers. At regular intervals, lance turrets the size of hab-stacks protruded from the dorsal armour. Beyond that, the pinprick lights of the void. Those distant lights usually calmed her, but today, she knew that some of them were not stars. They were the flaring engines of an enemy fleet.

Looking back dow…
Recent posts

Bearers Of The Word

Greetings all you lovely people. Today I start my newest and evilest project. Oh yes, we did a Genestealer Cult together, you and I, but they are innately evil. I want something that chooses evil, revels in it, corrupts others. With that in mind, there really is only one candidate: the forces of the XVII legion, formerly the Imperial Heralds, now the Word Bearers.

Goon With the Wind

I was recently invited to write something for the gloriously named Goonhammer.com, specifically their How to Paint Everything series. Humbled, I frantically attempted to think of something worth writing while simultaneously mastering the shock enough to avoid pooping an actual live kitten.
The most obvious gap in their archive was freehand technique, so I teamed up with one of Goonhammer's founders, Rob "TheChirurgeon" Jones and set about creating what is essentially a compendium of various Beard Bunker articles I've written over the years. It was oddly satisfying to draw all those disparate tutorials into one place and to end up with a reasonably comprehensive primer on how to paint your own freehand designs. If you're curious, then here you are:
How to Paint Everything: Freehand

Per Mare, Per Terram: Bolt Action Royal Marine Commandos

It's laid dormant for a little while, but recently there was a little itch at the back of my head. "Hey, Jeff, you know what you want to paint? WW2 dudes..."


Leatherworking - A Raven Guard Present

Given that none of us in the Bunker are professional hobbyists we can't make our living that way. So we've all got "side gigs" to support the main job of painting miniatures. I think I've got that the right way round... Well, anyway, I am unbelievably lucky and my day job is also a creative one, I am a leatherworker. While this is absolutely how I make my coin, the thing I love most is when I can make a one-off piece for a friend. It's using my talents to make others happy and that's gold to me. With my most recent piece, we finally see my two worlds collide in a fashion that we think you all would find interesting! You see, I made this...


Daemons of Khorne

I recently survived another full trip around the sun. As is traditional the people close to me wished to send me gifts and asked me what I desired. As normal I had no idea what I wanted. So I sent to Em a list of the Start Collecting sets that appealed to me. It was basically everything but Space Marines and Eldar (Never Eldar!). The idea was Em picked one based on what she would like to see me paint. I thought this would be a) fun and b) solve my issue of not knowing what I want. So the day came (well, actually we did it early because of lockdown reasons, stupid pandemics*) and Em hefted a hefty box at me. This didn't feel like a Start Collecting set. Anyway, colourful paper was torn asunder and lo and behold in front of me was the Wrath and Rapure set. I was amazed and very much delighted. I was going to be a Daemon Daddy (I should probably rethink that name).

Cobalt Scions Redemptor Dreadnought

In the extremely blue corner, weighing in at over thirty tons, the Megachonker himself, Gaius Atalus (deceased)! He's only got one hand but don't let that fool you, he's a 4th dan black belt in Fiddlercrabnojutsu.



Do You Wanna Be In Our Gang? - Necromunda Orlocks

Greetings fellow bunker dwellers! It has been a long time since we last delved into the hellscape of the Underhive. Perhaps too long... because in our absence the Blood & Chrome have been expanding:


Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To War We Go

Greetings fellow plague-sheltering nerds. We have been training for these days all our lives. Those others merely adopted social isolation, we were born to it... Ahem. Sorry, different meeting.

In what feels like another eternity we had the first bouts of the Border Princes campaign. As part of that we had a serious week of painting where I went... a bit mad. Sadly I was at that time car-less so left all my cases at Charlie's to avoid carrying them on the train again (thanks Charlie!). Having been recently reunited with them I can finally, finally photograph the fruits of my stunty labours:


Cobalt Scions hellblasters

It has been a month and a half since I posted my captain, and with him, a preposterously in-depth presentation of my Ultraboi successors the Cobalt Scions. What have I done in the subsequent six weeks? Painted five plasma lads, that's what.

Mutalith Vortex Beast

If you are thinking "What the hell is that?" you would be having an appropirate response to seeing the Mutalith Vortex Beast for the first time. The Mutalith Vortex Beast, or Gribbles as I've taken to calling it, is a support unit for the Thousand Sons. It is described in the codex as "an utter abomination of nature. It is a terrifying fusion of monster and magic, a creature mutated beyond all reason by the power of Chaos." Which sounds fun right?


Trust ya Guts

I like my Ogres...


I've really been enjoying playing my Ogres recently. As you will know I have a rather large Undead collection: 5427 points according to my spreadsheet. This is by all measures my main army for WFB. However, the little Orge army that I started way way waaaaay back in 2014 (The Onefinger Tribe) has grown on me. It's also grown to a rather nice 2000 points with the addition of this lastest unit. A decent sized game of Fantasy is around the 2000 points mark, in my opinion. Enough units to give some tactical choices but not to big that it becomes exhausting. Anyway, I've kinda fallen for these big guys. I like they way they play, solid, reliable, and a not overwhelming set of special rules. It's also because of the sheer amount of charm I've managed to inject into them. You could argue you can give any warhammer unit character, and I would agree with you, but I've just seemed found something that sits well with me.

Brain Juice & The Mojo Meter

//Authors Edit: This was going to be a quick 'Hi, I've not posted in a little while. It turned into something else. Please keep reading and share your thoughts on the subject. 


Heavy Metal. Genestealer Cult #11 - Goliaths and Rockgrinder

One of things I love about playing as a Genestealer Cult is the insurgent feel. You aren't using too many military things, you're bodging together weapons and turning tools into instruments of destruction. Well, there isn't any bodged together instrument of destruction more destructive than this bad boy. Behold the Rockgrinder and despair!


Leaders of the Pack. Genestealer Cult #10 - Magos, Abominant and Iconward.

It has been noted that I have something of a completionist impulse... the fact that I nearly own all of the available figures for the Genestealer Cult range maaaay have led to buying some more (and will almost certainly lead to me getting a Locus and a Kelermorph at some point) and among them was the technically unnecessary but oh-so-pretty new Magos: