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The Journal of Cara Thiele

The festive season has been sitting on my hobby productivity like a sumo on a kitten, but finally, have this: a slab of fictional endeavour. I've not tried to tell a story with a journal before, and it's pretty fudging different to writing your garden-variety prose, but for those of you willing to venture inward it'll hopefully provide some comedy charm.
A brief reminder: Cara Thiele is my army's battle standard bearer, so obviously, what follows is her origin story. By the end of the story, she looks like this:

Oh, also, this is intended to read like an edited collection of highlights (rather than a record of every single entry Cara wrote from 2253-2254).

Journal (Property of Cara Thiele of Koerin, Hochland)
12th Sigmarzeit 2253 I.C. I’ve come back home to Koerin for the first time in a year, and Papa told me he’d made something to celebrate my promotion. “Something to keep you safe,” he said when he bustled me into his workshop. Bit of an understatement: he’s made me a …

The Hochland Gazette [Issue 1]

Good morrow all! The last update on our little war in Hochland was in July, and rather unsurprisingly, an assload of stuff has occurred in the interim. To keep things fresh (so fresh) this post will present some of said happenings via the medium of bullet points, prose, and a fake newspaper.
First, the bullet points. Like the written equivalent of those clips they play at the start of any given HBO series. Previously, in Hochland...
- The Hochland state army laid siege to the de Crécy’s stronghold at Hovelhof and has kept them contained there for the last four months, despite several breakout attempts. Said breakout attempts were quite meaty. See below:

- The Bittermoon Goblins still control a big chunk of the Drakwald and the Old Forest Road. - The Skaven still lurk in Hergig, apparently lurking for the sake of lurking. - Splendiferus the Magnificent has been hiding in the woods for months now. - The Stormbournes have started serious renovation work on Karak Hoch. - During one of th…

Pretty Dirty Things

"UUURRRRHHHHEEWWWWWWW... GET IT AWAY FROM ME"

These are the exact words Em used when I showed her the model I used to test out the new special effects paints from Games Workshop.

This is him -

I really love this model, but not being either a Nurgle or Choas player I've never really had an excuse to paint him. Until now! The sculpt, the details and the pose all really sit well with me. It's a reasonably straight forward model but it still has such a dominating presence for me. Also, it only has two skulls on it!



With the paint job I wanted to have a bit of a play with the new paints and decided this chap would work really well looking like he's just been dredged up from the bottom of a lake. The skin was base coated in Tallern Flesh/Thunderhawk Blue. then I kept adding Dwarf Flesh and Pallid Wych Flesh until it was pure Wych Flesh. I used Dawnstone to fill in the open sores and then piled in some Blood for the Blood God. Once that was dry I painted in some Nurgle&…

Once in a Bloo Moon

Approximately ages ago, Cedric Sneakfoot sent the entire Bloo Moon tribe packing with a single, general-slaying shot. There was much squabbling in the wake of Big Boss Isitt’s death (by which I mean, it’s taken me ages to get around to painting a new warboss for the Night Goblin army Maisey so kindly bequeathed to me).
Well that new leader has finally emerged. Smaller, more pot-bellied, and even more brain-damaged, I give you... Big Boss Skazwuzzle!

What he lacks in martial prowess he more than makes up in an amazing ability to dodge the bullet. He’s a masterful delegator, buttering up his lieutenants so that, when an enemy warlord bellows a challenge, Skazwuzzle will think nothing of giving his second-in-command an encouraging nudge and a whisper of, ‘Go on you slag, you can take ’im!’
This is, the more observant Bloo Moons note, the most common way in which Skazwuzzle’s rivals meet their demise.

Relative to the tiny size of this model, I spent bloody ages painting him. This was par…

Making ruined fortress walls

With a ‘little’ help from Jeff, John and Tom, the Beard Bunker’s Warhammer Fortress is complete! Ha harrrr harrr!
For a number of reasons (most of them involving gameplay and tactical variety) I converted a ruined section of wall. In the interests of spreading the love, this post will provide a how-to for anyone wanting to build something similar, along with a few images of the whole fortress at the end.

Some people would probably like a giant pile of rubble to go between and around the ruined section (me included) but I haven’t made one yet. One of the side effects of painting something as big as the fortress kit is developing a serious urge to finish the damn thing as quickly as possible.
Anyway, onwards.
PREPARATION I began with some research. It turns out fortress walls were actually full of a mixture of earth and rubble sandwiched between several layers of stonework. OH GOOD, I thought, THAT’S NOT GOING TO BE COMPLICATED AT ALL.
Anyway, here are the tools you’ll need: razorsaw, …

K'Daai Destroyer conversion

Quoth an anonymous comment left on the blog nine days ago: “The K’Daai Destroyer looks amazing! Do you have some better pics of the guy?”
The model he’s talking about is the monster that scared the general of my Middenheim army off the table in turn one of the Bunker’s first ever battle report. Ask, and you shall receive:

John converted and painted this pretty little princess for his Chaos Dwarf army, and in classic John fashion, he called it Mary, after his grandmother (“she didn’t put up with any crap”).

The model is essentially a kitbash of the plastic Balrog and the Balewind Vortex (one of the arcane fulcrums in the Warhammer scenery range). It’s been said that John’s not afraid to go off-piste now and again. Other examples (of which I’m lacking photos) include Stompy the Treeman, who was made of about five citadel trees and like four kilos of greenstuff (slight exaggeration) and Precious, the Brettonian Drag-Damsel whose haircut, in the tradition of all the most splendid drag qu…

Lights, Camera, Bolt Action

Good whatever time of the day it is when you read this to you!

Fellow Bunkerer Em and I have been taking our relationship to a new level and have been experimenting together. Pushing out into pastures new and trying out things neither of us have considered before. We want to share with you what we have been getting up to.

We've been playing some Bolt Action by Warlord Games.

Normally we're strictly into Warhammer 40k and Warhammer Fantasy by Games Workshop. We've both been very happy with these games and have many memorable memories collecting and playing them. Both get the creative juices flowing by giving us a massive world/galaxy in which to indulge our every sordid whim. Between them they cover our need for shooty space alien death explosions and brave undead knights saving hairy monsters from ravenous damsels. So you might be asking why have we branched out into historical wargaming? This would be a fair question. Let's give a couple of reasons why we are giving i…